BSU and the tea baggin', scream spittin' frenzyfeasters

Phew. It has been a few months since my virgin post and here I am again, in my perpetual state of irritation. Not like itchy-rash irritation, rather, more like OHMYGODSHUTUPSHUTUP irritation. This happens to me a lot. Remember when you were in grade school or junior high and some person would taunt you, make fun of you, bother you, nah-nah-nah-nah-nah you? Your mother would inevitably say, "Just ignoooore them. They'll leave you alone." Well, I never could. I would fester and scheme and just pool up like a big puddle of frustration. And mom was right! They NEVER left me alone when I did that. And today, I want to take my mom's advice and just ignooooore all the wildly irritating things happening around me, but, alas, I can't.

I'll start with Boise State. I am an Idaho Vandal. That means I graduated from the University of Idaho and love my school and their dumb mascot and their poor athletic teams. I, however, do not BLEED silver and gold. I do not own a Vandal flag. I do not paint my face. I do not tell everyone who will listen that I am an Idaho Vandal. I just am one, that's all. And part of being an Idaho Vandal is really not liking our "rival" in-state school, Boise State University. We're rivals in sports and funding. UI is in the North, BSU in the South. And it just so happens that BSU has a very, very, very good football team. To many people, this means nothing. To every major media outlet in Southern Idaho, this means EVERYTHING. And BSU football starts today and ohmygod you'd think the SUPERBOWL was in town. I am all for being proud of your school (even if I hate your school and hope they lose by 1,000 points tonight), but this media overload leaves me beyond disappointed, and yes, irritated. There is a local radio station that has been playing Michael Jackson's "Thriller" on a loop for THREE DAYS STRAIGHT because it has something to do w/ the football game (they don't say what it has to do with the game, but that's the word on the street). Every newscast on the local Boise TV station spends at least the 1st 5 minutes on the BSU game and has been doing that FOR A WEEK. The newspaper has had special inserts, front page stories and exclusives about PARKING and shuttlebuses for a week now. And today was "national put a huge flag on your car day" in Boise, in case you missed it or tried driving anywhere and couldn't figure out what the fuck was in your way when you were waiting for the light to turn green. It's BSU football, guys. Reporting actual news and controlling traffic come a distant second and third to the almighty Bronco hump-fest. I happened to notice that the BSU players and coaches are super chill about this upcoming game and seem to try to downplay its significance at every turn. So, although I hope the Oregon Ducks come to Boise tonight and destroy these guys on the field, I still sorta feel sorry for those BSU players. Their media and a bunch of bandwagon-jumping frenzyfeasters are really going to jinx them tonight. I wonder what happens tomorrow if BSU loses. Does that remain the top story? Do the flags come down? Do the blue and orange food specials at the local restaurants come off the menu? Will there be crickets squeaking at every bar, every newspaper stand, every BSU blog? Who will run screaming through the streets, wearing a BSU flag on fire like a cape, telling everyone that ding-dong the Duck-witch is ALIVE???

All this football frenzy that I have been trying to avoid for over a week got me thinking about frenzy in general, and what do you know? The tea-baggers just popped into my head like a little virus warning on my computer. Those guys. Those screaming, marching, spitting, defacing, elderly teabaggers have stirred up some frenzy of their own. (By the way, I LOVE saying tea-baggers. I love that they call themselves that. I love that they have no idea how funny that is. I LOVE IT and I hope that they forever and ever refer to themselves as tea-baggers and never ever stop. Ever.) I don't know what to think about the tea-baggers (heh heh). I can't decide if their anger is real or orchestrated, if they are real dumb or real smart, or if they genuinely love this damn country so much that they can't stand to see it stripped away or are just a bunch of racists. I don't know. What I do know is they can put on some frenzy like it is their job. Their presence at townhalls and on city squares raises the freakout level to about an 11. And the media just eats it up. The media loves covering the tea-baggers just as much as I love sayin' their name. All the screaming and clapping and interrupting and chanting and dressing up the President like Hitler and carrying weapons and (my personal favorite) totally making shit up is just too good to pass up. The false information, the nonsense, the fearmongering, all of it, wrapped up and broadcast to all the dark livingrooms around this country to remind us that, well, we're a nation of nut-balls. Yay.

It is the same thing (on a much smaller, less-scary level) with the BSU freakfest that is happening RIGHT NOW in Idaho. The local media here just blows its wad over any mention of a "bronco", without any regard to any other more important news or events happening around the state or the nation. Just like the national media jizzing all over the tea-baggers anytime they start barking about death panels and socialism!!! Regardless of its importance, its value, its veracity or its truthfulness, the media will cover whatever sells. And right now in Boise, the game sells, man. And on a national scale, scream and spit and death to old people sells.


I say the tea-baggers should get their own team colors and mascot (wait, they already have one) and the liberal left bleeding hearts should do the same. Then we can have a god-damned gridiron showdown in full pads. Then, we'll see who wins and what happens the next day if the tea-baggers lose. Brilliant.

Go Vandals.